you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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