By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
