While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
