Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I touched a dick in church today
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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