Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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