so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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