If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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