Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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