There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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