as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
