Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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