All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Me. At least after what I've been through.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
