Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
