Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
