Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
3 2 1 whiskey
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
