do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
