If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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