my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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