Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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