I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
