I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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