There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
