This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
