1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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