I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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