Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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