The maid of honor just puked.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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