you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
