I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
