i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
