My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
