she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
