I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
