dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
