Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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