I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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