So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
