it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
