He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize