Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there is puke in my bra ... again
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