I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
