There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
nutella sex= disaster
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
