The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
