I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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