the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
