Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
