WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
