names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
