I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
