my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
false alarm, still single
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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