I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im six kinds of drunk right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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