were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
