I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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