3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Found the puke drawer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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