While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
