Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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