I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
