guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
