Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
