if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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