you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
