if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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