so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
