why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
