the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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