Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
