rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
