I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We are all done wearing pants today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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