i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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