3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
