She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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