oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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