No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
