It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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