Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
