i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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