i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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