No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
