thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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