Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
