he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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